Comfort vs. Necessity

I am currently parenting teenagers. This phase of parenting has challenged me to think about what is comfortable versus what is necessary. My children no longer need me to manage them the way I did when they were little.

As a mom I spent many, many years modeling and managing daily routines like eating, brushing teeth, bathing, cleaning . . . The list was endless. My children know how to do all those daily tasks now and no longer need my help. I often have to stop myself from asking questions like “Did you brush your teeth?” or “Did you pack a water bottle?” At this stage they can manage those tasks, and they can live with the natural consequences if they don’t manage one. If I parent them like I did when they were little, I rob them of the ability to take ownership of their lives and stop them from building independence.

We are in the last few weeks of school, and I find that this stage of the year presents the same challenges in a classroom. Teachers often put scaffolds in place to support students at the beginning of the year. Now is the time to take a step back and question those scaffolds. Are they still necessary? Can you adjust to allow for more independence? Does a child really need you to hold his hand through every task, or can you back out a little and check in periodically? Sometimes our scaffolds become more of a routine than a necessity.

If a support system is still needed, we should keep it in place. But if it is more of a comfort than a necessity, it might be time to adjust.