Joan Moser
February 7, 2014
I have been going to the same grocery store for many years. Before checking out at the end of each shopping trip, I quickly scan the checkers to see if James is working. For years, if I ended up in his checkout line, I knew I was in for an unpleasant experience that would involve no eye contact, no response when I greeted him, and snapping at young baggers. Whenever possible, I got in another available line, even if it meant a longer wait.
Last spring, I decided to try something new with James. I approached his stand and greeted him with a warm, cheery smile. Undaunted by the same stony response, I shared how much I appreciated the care he took with my fruit, and how efficient he was. I also slipped in a joke about how I knew he really liked it when I came to his line and to watch for me because I couldn't wait to have him help me next time. With a cheery wave, I was gone.
I returned the next day, and with just a few fresh, fragile pears and a couple of other items, stood in James's line. "I'm back for my favorite checker!" I told him. An amazing thing happened. He looked up, smiled, and said, "It's great to see you back." Wow!
Our interactions continued the same way all spring. It seemed nothing short of a miracle. As I approached the checkout stand on my most recent visit, James broke into a great big grin, told me how happy he was to see me and how he had missed me, and then proceeded to tell me proudly about his new great-grandbaby.
My interactions with James led me to think about some of our most challenging kids. This can be the time of year when they push back the most, testing our patience and resilience. When met with their stony silence, grumpy attitudes, and even under-the-breath-swearing, do we give up too early as I initially did with James? What if we pressed on, intent on discovering things they do well, and even using humor to connect? Perhaps if we expect a different result, we will get one.